She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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