my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
operation have a gay friend backfired
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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