he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
