my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
