i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Congratulations! We have a period
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