I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
