I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
