East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
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