I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
