i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
