Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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