I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
