sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
