You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
