It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
