I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My pussy is not your playground.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
