So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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