i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
