For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
