C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
