The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
