STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
