I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
