everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
