i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
