roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
