just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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