I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
