bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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