Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
