guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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