you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
