I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
