I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
