Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
