I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
