Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
