I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
