I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
