i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
