I accidentally burped into my bong.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize