Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
