i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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