The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
