mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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