So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
