Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
