mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
