Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
