Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
