My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
