Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
