Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
