No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
