they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize