How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
