life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
