Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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