I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
