I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
foreskin is a definite game changer
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
