I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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