Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
