Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
