I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
