can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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