I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
