Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
