dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize