what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
