Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
