yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
