call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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