If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
