Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize