Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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