I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
