Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
