my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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