i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
