420 ftw
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
