her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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