yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
