I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
