hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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