I didn't shave. On purpose
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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