walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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