Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
