Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
