I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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