look no pants
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
