He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
