I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
