I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize