I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
