I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
