one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
