I will die if light touches me.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
