what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
