if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
