i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize