Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
