those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
