Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
